Lately, because of something that happened to a former colleague, I've been thinking a great deal about the tragedies that are too much a part of life. Each time I've considered blogging about this, I've found myself absolutely unable to do so. Oddly, the fact that it's the 10th anniversary of 9/11 is the only thing that has enabled me to attempt this blog entry; I started writing thinking I was going to blog about something more distant, but ended up tackling something that, in all honesty, I still don't feel able to adequately discuss.
Although I try to look at all the positive things that happen in the world, sometimes the flip side, the side where people are cruel and dangerous and commit unspeakable acts, can't be ignored. During the first week after Jen's death, I felt this need to understand how her ex-boyfriend could ever do such a thing to someone he supposedly loved. I kept wanting a newspaper to publish a long article about who this person was and how his life had led him to such a horrible act. No such article has been published yet. I spent last weekend in San Francisco and forced myself to stop scanning internet news sites to find out more about Jen's murder. I also thought a lot about this need for an explanation--and realized that I probably wouldn't ever understand how this man could do what he did . . . no newspaper article could ever account for how someone could take the life of another.
So I'm left in mourning over the ugliness that human beings can perpetrate. I'm not celebrating Jen's life here--that would resonate too much of closure and I feel like she should still be alive making a difference in the lives of those she encounters. I'm also not typing the name of the man who killed her--I'm too angry about the fact that their names will be linked in almost any story written about Jen. There's no happy ending to this story, only sadness for a life which ended too early, too violently, and too undeservedly.